Will I learn to not hate my advisor?

I had a weird relationship with my advisor in grad school. Not THAT kind of weird, you prevert.  I came in when he was only two years into his assistant professorship, and proceeded to work on every project in the lab, build him new research devices for all his projects (especially those unrelated to my dissertation), write most sections of grants for him, and even secure my own funding. He trusted me and I took from him how to disseminate my research. That's the only thing I feel I learned from him. He had 8 students and 3 of us were expected to provide the world, while ther rest were never called upon to do anything out of their own research. 

I kind of enjoyed this because it gave me a little more diversity in my knowledge. But when it came time to work on my own stuff (which was so preliminary it wasn't ready for prime-time yet) he always pulled me off to work on more 'now' projects. I still graduated with plenty of time, and plenty of pubs. But I hated that we had to bend to his will and he a) wasn't grateful, and b) acted like he was doing us a favor. I'm hoping I will see things more from his perspective eventually, but talking to other grad students, their advisors were more grateful of their hard work (like having a lab dinner or celebration when they graduated...which we never got), cared whether they were really grasping the material, and generally nicer people. A lab mate was on the hospital for a month and our advisor didn't visit her once. When she came back he asked her if she had done any work while in bed. 

So all of these experiences has fostered a lot of resentment from a few of us; no more than myself. So as I'm preparing for setting up my lab, I'm soliciting advice and he never has time to talk with me for 10 minutes. Whereas if he needs something from me (like a medical device) for his research he always has time to call, ask for stuff, then hang up. 

I'm a pretty selfless person, and I'm very quick to respond to emails, missed calls, etc. I hate leaving people waiting without telling them why they're waiting. In my opinion it's a respect thing, and everyone should be treated with respect.  Part of this is because I'm impatient and get things done very quickly, and expect others to do the same.  Not to mention, when you are responsive with someone then think you're treating then with respect and they will be more responsive back...most of the time.  I don't work with people who are slow, flaky, or unresponsive.  But some people don't have the time management skills I've picked up working for a very fast-paced boss who also happens to be quite selfless. 

Talking with one of my former lab mates we were trying to wonder if we'd ever forgive our old advisor. I know my friend will never forgive him. My friend was academically focused prior to grad school and our advisor drove her into industry. She never wanted the possibility of running into him again. I was unsure whether I would ever like him.  I hope I do, because he's legitimately the only person I hate. And I hate that I hate someone. 

Touching bases with the former advisor

My first task was to talk to former mentors and make sure they were good with writing letters of recommendation. Ultimately, this led to my former advisor asking me what my project ideas are for my research statement. Those unfamiliar with getting academics jobs, you need a few crucial documents:

1. Cover letter: explain why you would fit into their department

2. Teaching statement: explain what your philosophies are. Ultimately, you're a teacher. 

3. List of references and CV (side note-how weird is the CV? What other document besides legal ones are you encouraged to put in every last excruciating detail? And just like legal docs, no one reads the whole thing.)

4. Research statement: basically an overview of your specialities, ideas, and (in a way) grant writing abilities.

Now, my advisor wanted to know for one primary reason: so we wouldn't compete. It's apparently frowned upon to be in the same direct field as the guy upstairs (not God...I'm sure God would be fine with me trying to be similar to him). So my old boss had a few comments. On two of my research ideas there wasn't really overlap but he used the comment "I may work on that in the future". I bit my tongue and took it out of my ideas, but that was a serious dick move. 

My relationship with my former advisor is interesting. I really hated him in grad school. I mean, I seriously wanted to hit him at times, and I am far from a violent person. On top of this, I was his best student, by far.  I published a ton, was his local subject expert on a ton of concepts.  The lab mates called me the golden child. But my success caused him to really start using me. Hence the hatred. When I left he started to treat me as a colleague instead of a condom (use me and not realize how important I am). He offered to give any help he could to get me into academia. If someone was received as evil and you hate him, what does it take to get back on your good side? I feel myself actually liking him, but I remember how much I hate him and now I'm conflicted. That's all a long tangent though...

So I wrote my statements and letter and sent it his way. He gave me some very good comments and I think my application packet looks strong. My biggest weakness is my pedigree. I went to two non-great state schools. I feel like I've made up for it with double-digit manuscripts in decent journals and real world experience.  

With this packet I've applied to my first slew of schools. All are R1 looking for faculty with my expertises, and each took a freaking hour to change my app ever so slightly, overcome technical issues, and apply for the positions. I actually feel kind of stressed over this, which is weird because I already have a great job, but I am SO FREAKING PUMPED ABOUT WORKING ON THESE PROJECTS I'M PROPOSING!!!

While I'm waiting on responses from the academic elite I'll write on some other experiences post-PhD.