Waiting: A tragedy of MASSIVE proportions

I was trying to think of a movie to make an analogy of the post-applying waiting process to (yay! Ending a sentence with a preposition...although is it still ended in a preposition if I have this long parened statement afterword?).  I couldn't think of any film where you spend the whole movie wondering "what am I doing here" then you get an incredibly happy or crushing ending.  So, I just threw up Waiting.  I didn't like this film at all, so it's similar to my search process.  And during the movie, I remember getting a little anxious about when it would end because I just wanted out.  Some faculty from other colleges have told me the earliest I'll hear back is mid-December, and the waiting is killing me.

When I was applying for industrial jobs, I went through a similar process.  Getting my cover letter and resume, submitting them online, and waiting.  The core difference is that I was able to keep applying to keep my mind off of the applications that I first submitted.  Industrial positions come up all the time regardless of the academic cycle.  Academic application cycles all end late-fall, and from what I've heard, committees don't look at it until the end of the semester.  For my industry search, I typically forgot about most of the positions since I was constantly applying.  Even during my interview stage, I kept applying, which also helped me forget about the waiting.

Right now, the application season for the universities I'm interested in has ended (28 schools...I know, if I was this selective with mates, I would have been married A LOT sooner).  All the apps are submitted and there are no more I can apply for.  This also makes the academic application process stressful since if it doesn't work this year, then there's a whole another year of waiting for the next application cycle.  More waiting.  And who knows if there will be just as many, or fewer, positions open for people like me.

Nothing ever bothers me.  The worst reviewer comments, my parents horrible comments, getting yelled at at work, nothing gets to me...except waiting.  I'm insanely impatient, and I want satisfaction now.  So here's what I've been doing since I can't occupy myself with applying for more jobs:

1.  Two new video games have come out these past couple of weeks
2.  Reading a couple new books
3.  Working a little extra
4.  Drinking
5.  Petting my incredible dog
6.  Thinking about next year.

I mention the last comment because I didn't have as much time as I would have wanted during this application cycle.  I feel it looks pretty strong, and have been told so from other people, but there are things I wish I could have done.  So I'm actually rewriting portions of my statements.  It's going to be bittersweet if I get a job offer.  Maybe I should just keep to the Xbox/PS3 and not focus on next year...and staring angrily at the slow-boiling water on the stove.

Edit 11/11/13: My old advisor is very confident I will get interviews so he told me to add #7 to the list: prepare job talks. :P

Touching bases with the former advisor

My first task was to talk to former mentors and make sure they were good with writing letters of recommendation. Ultimately, this led to my former advisor asking me what my project ideas are for my research statement. Those unfamiliar with getting academics jobs, you need a few crucial documents:

1. Cover letter: explain why you would fit into their department

2. Teaching statement: explain what your philosophies are. Ultimately, you're a teacher. 

3. List of references and CV (side note-how weird is the CV? What other document besides legal ones are you encouraged to put in every last excruciating detail? And just like legal docs, no one reads the whole thing.)

4. Research statement: basically an overview of your specialities, ideas, and (in a way) grant writing abilities.

Now, my advisor wanted to know for one primary reason: so we wouldn't compete. It's apparently frowned upon to be in the same direct field as the guy upstairs (not God...I'm sure God would be fine with me trying to be similar to him). So my old boss had a few comments. On two of my research ideas there wasn't really overlap but he used the comment "I may work on that in the future". I bit my tongue and took it out of my ideas, but that was a serious dick move. 

My relationship with my former advisor is interesting. I really hated him in grad school. I mean, I seriously wanted to hit him at times, and I am far from a violent person. On top of this, I was his best student, by far.  I published a ton, was his local subject expert on a ton of concepts.  The lab mates called me the golden child. But my success caused him to really start using me. Hence the hatred. When I left he started to treat me as a colleague instead of a condom (use me and not realize how important I am). He offered to give any help he could to get me into academia. If someone was received as evil and you hate him, what does it take to get back on your good side? I feel myself actually liking him, but I remember how much I hate him and now I'm conflicted. That's all a long tangent though...

So I wrote my statements and letter and sent it his way. He gave me some very good comments and I think my application packet looks strong. My biggest weakness is my pedigree. I went to two non-great state schools. I feel like I've made up for it with double-digit manuscripts in decent journals and real world experience.  

With this packet I've applied to my first slew of schools. All are R1 looking for faculty with my expertises, and each took a freaking hour to change my app ever so slightly, overcome technical issues, and apply for the positions. I actually feel kind of stressed over this, which is weird because I already have a great job, but I am SO FREAKING PUMPED ABOUT WORKING ON THESE PROJECTS I'M PROPOSING!!!

While I'm waiting on responses from the academic elite I'll write on some other experiences post-PhD.