Dear theater-goers,

I don't go to the movies very frequently.  Maybe once a month...tops. I saw a movie today that people have raved about. It was okay, but the people were horrible. If you are one of the following people, I don't hate you, but please fix yourselves:

1. Person with a smell: I understand the matinee is early, but it's not so early you don't have time to shower. Your BO is disturbing. 

2. Person with smoker's breath: Stop breathing. Or at least put in a mint. 

3. Cell phone person: No one cares you're watching a movie. Unless people will die unless you answer your text, then put it away before I put it in your Coke. 

4. Person not controlling your kid: I don't have kids, but I have taken kids to the movies. I can stop them from kickin chairs and distractin people. You can too, or find a babysitter. 

5. No shoes next to my head person: I'm fine with you getting comfortable, but don't out your feet by my head. You're rude. 

6. Person who doesn't whisper: what you're saying is not better than the movie. Unless I'm watching the Michael Bay Ninja Turtles. A colonoscopy is better than that. 

But then there are also habits that my friends despise that I don't mind:

1. Loud laughing: keep laughing. Some of these jokes aren't really that funny, but life's too short not to be laughing. You can't help your laugh. I'm glad you're enjoying. 

2. Person that laughs at everything: same applies. 

3. Getting up to go to the restroom: it's not your fault; I'm just glad you're not going in your seat. 

4. Person who unbuttons your pants: I like your style. Time to relax. 

Basically, please act like a civilized person, shower, and brush your teeth and I'll watch a movie with you. If you pay, that also doesn't hurt.