Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Scientific feasibility

I hate dealing with manufacturing and sacrificing innovation for quick development.  This is one of the biggest trade-offs I've had to deal with in industry.  Every time this comes up I think more and more about how much I hate it.  And my group doesn't deal with manufacturing that much.  We develop crazy medical devices and do crazy studies then other groups worry about how to take our devices to the next level.  But because I work for a company that has to make profit, I inevitably have to make sure the devices are grounded in reality.

This came up recently.  I came up with a crazy technology that I feel could really revolutionize the field, but it will take a year of scientific evaluation followed by a year of development.  This is much longer than our typical development cycles in my team.  And no one hear is willing to invest in the kind of core science I need to do.  Higher-ups are making me use rudimentary technology with a misunderstanding of the biology to get this done quickly.  I understand we need to make money.  And the faster we get things done the faster we'll get these devices in patients and make said money.  The problem is that for years I've been told, "That's a great idea.  Let's save that for the next generation."  But we never do.  Leadership just keeps pushing it through.  And we end up doing the most basic of feasibility studies on a device that could have been much better.  We need the best possible core knowledge and technologies if we're going to solve healthcare's most difficult problems.  Even if it takes an extra year.

This is one of the key differences in academia I can't wait to get involved with again.  I am really looking forward to doing core science, then creating the best technology possible regardless of how far off it is.  What's weird in all of this is that leadership is excited about giving my new lab money to pursue these core science and far-off technology ideas.  They just don't like funding their own labs to do this stuff.  I guarantee my current group would do this science and development much faster than my academic group will.  And probably for cheaper.  So why can't industry do more on the science and feasibility side.  Talking to lots of friends (I'm popular!!!!) in the field, they all have jobs that involve having to design devices for manufacturablility and quick turnarounds.  They don't mind, but whenever they hear about my group they're always amazed at the level of science and R&D we do...taking designs to feasibility then letting other groups handle the details.  This apparently is rare in most of the industry.  In most groups, if you designed it, you will inevitably take it to the next level.  I would hate to do this, especially since I want to regress even further,  working on tons of core science and devices that are ugly and take forever to design, but they do the job in new ways.  Seriously, I can't effectively describe how excited I am about getting more back to (translational) basics.  And every time I deal with people outside of my groups it makes me want to start my new position even more.

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Progress today=0

Sometimes I don't feel like doing anything all day when I show up to work. It's not that I'm not challenged or engaged, I just feel lazy sometimes. I surf the net, read blogs, watch videos, have fun with coworkers, and listen to some music. I basically screw off the whole day. My boss is never around (he's in a different city) and even if he were around he knows that we get stuff done so he wouldn't care.  This happened today.

I leave the day refreshed, though a little guilty. Partly because patients need these devices, but also because I felt I stole money from my company.  I did a post a while back where I talk about my Very Laid Back Days.  There is the ultra rare day where I don't do shit.  I remember this was nonexistent during my grad school days.  And I was wondering why and came up with a couple reasons:

1.  I was on public money and felt guilty for cheating the public.

2.  I was working for myself and felt more pride and dedication because of it.

3.  I shared an office with grad students and wanted to give the impression that I'm a hard worker.

4.  My advisor was always asking for results.

5.  The leprechaun under my desk that kept on hounding me.

The last one only appeared when I was loopy after working too much.  Honestly, I don't know if any of these worked to keep me honest, but there was the ultra rare day where I screwed off all day.  And I don't seem to remember feeling guilty.  Why do I feel guilty now, then?  After such a great day, I should feel awesome.  This is why I think I feel guilty:

1.  I have my team depending on me.

2.  I have patients depending on me.

3.  I get paid a lot.

Even after listing these reasons I still don't know why I feel guilty.  Guess I'll just have to work extra hard tomorrow to work all this guilt out of my body.  Damnit.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

What to do with my free time?

Like most overly dedicated grad students I worked all holidays except for Christmas and Thanksgiving. I switched off when I left work for the most part but occasionally I still had to pull out my computer to run a little code or do some emails or writing outside of work.  This was on top of very long work hours at the lab. This happened for a little over 4 years. And I definitely wouldn't have been as productive otherwise. Our lab was definitely split into the 'overworkers' (OWs) and 'barelyworkers' (BWs) categories. The OWs graduated on time or early with a job offer in-hand. The BWs hit the 7 year mark and are gently pushed out with no more than a postdoc in-hand from the lab they're graduating from. So I don't regret having spent that much time working. Especially since I love doing what I do. 

Since leaving academia, I didn't want to spend all my time at the lab anymore. So I don't work outside of work; even for emails.  The only drawback is that I try and get all my work done at work (even if it takes 16 hours/day).  So now I have weekends and holidays free, plus my average schedule isn't as bad as when in grad school.  I even take vacations now. Gasp! And I find myself looking for stuff to do. I have plenty of hobbies, but I got used to doing them at such weird times and intervals that even after years of being outside of academia I find myself looking for stuff to do. I go exploring in my city a lot, started writing a blog, dedicate more time to family and friends, play music, etc, but I still sometimes just find myself sitting around thinking of what to do. I've been able to finish more books, but I can only read so much before getting tired.

I always thought I could retire and never be hurting to find things to do because I could never find time for hobbies. But here I am trying to fill out my free time....albeit, this happens in the minority of my time.  I don't want to go back to my OW life, because gray hairs do not match my outfits.  This is, of course, only during the lulls. When things are blazing at work I find myself longing for hobby-time, when there's a lull I seek things to do. During these times I've picked up video gaming, Netflix binges, hanging out outdoors just thinking, napping, and reading books and scientific articles. I wish there was a safe medium, where I had just the right amount of time for hobbies, while never feeling like I have to try to find things to do.

This has become less of an issue the more I'm out of grad school, but I'm certain this is because when I first started working I had a lot more free time; as I get more responsibility I have less and less free time. But I can't seem to remember any transitions when I had the perfect amount of free time. I'm guessing it's around 50 hours/week working and maybe 20 hours/week for standard tasks (showering, cooking, cleaning, errands, etc).  But I don't think that's correct. Maybe that's the beauty of working for yourself: you know exactly how much free time you need and how successful you want your business to be.  As long as in not an OW or a BW, I'll be happy. Who says I can't be left or right leaning...just hanging out in the middle. 

Maybe I'll pick up a drug habit. That's what the media tells me teens do when they're bored, right?

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Business talk and jargon

Double post day, wuttup!!!

Every field has specific jargon. The only ones that bug me are MIL/DoD acronyms and business talk. I'm talking phrases like  "upward mobility", "synergy", "paradigm", "vertical integration", etc. The DoD lives and breaths acronyms, but it doesn't bother me as much since I left that kind of work. 

And I can't escape it!  I think a big part of it is that I despise the type of people that use it, so correspondingly I don't like the lingo. It makes me very conscious of when people use those words, and I develop opinions of those people.  So I figure that others also develop these opinions. And because of this I try my absolute hardest not to use these terms like paradigm, leverage, etc.

This sucks because there are some situations where the use is legit. So I find myself bumbling for which words would convey the message but aren't on the MBA-list. So in the process of not trying to be typical-businessperson, I just end up looking like a bumbling idiot. 

What are your least favorite academic or business jargon (or is it jargons....shit I can't even get English correct, getting jargon(s) correct is hopeless)?

Will I learn to not hate my advisor?

I had a weird relationship with my advisor in grad school. Not THAT kind of weird, you prevert.  I came in when he was only two years into his assistant professorship, and proceeded to work on every project in the lab, build him new research devices for all his projects (especially those unrelated to my dissertation), write most sections of grants for him, and even secure my own funding. He trusted me and I took from him how to disseminate my research. That's the only thing I feel I learned from him. He had 8 students and 3 of us were expected to provide the world, while ther rest were never called upon to do anything out of their own research. 

I kind of enjoyed this because it gave me a little more diversity in my knowledge. But when it came time to work on my own stuff (which was so preliminary it wasn't ready for prime-time yet) he always pulled me off to work on more 'now' projects. I still graduated with plenty of time, and plenty of pubs. But I hated that we had to bend to his will and he a) wasn't grateful, and b) acted like he was doing us a favor. I'm hoping I will see things more from his perspective eventually, but talking to other grad students, their advisors were more grateful of their hard work (like having a lab dinner or celebration when they graduated...which we never got), cared whether they were really grasping the material, and generally nicer people. A lab mate was on the hospital for a month and our advisor didn't visit her once. When she came back he asked her if she had done any work while in bed. 

So all of these experiences has fostered a lot of resentment from a few of us; no more than myself. So as I'm preparing for setting up my lab, I'm soliciting advice and he never has time to talk with me for 10 minutes. Whereas if he needs something from me (like a medical device) for his research he always has time to call, ask for stuff, then hang up. 

I'm a pretty selfless person, and I'm very quick to respond to emails, missed calls, etc. I hate leaving people waiting without telling them why they're waiting. In my opinion it's a respect thing, and everyone should be treated with respect.  Part of this is because I'm impatient and get things done very quickly, and expect others to do the same.  Not to mention, when you are responsive with someone then think you're treating then with respect and they will be more responsive back...most of the time.  I don't work with people who are slow, flaky, or unresponsive.  But some people don't have the time management skills I've picked up working for a very fast-paced boss who also happens to be quite selfless. 

Talking with one of my former lab mates we were trying to wonder if we'd ever forgive our old advisor. I know my friend will never forgive him. My friend was academically focused prior to grad school and our advisor drove her into industry. She never wanted the possibility of running into him again. I was unsure whether I would ever like him.  I hope I do, because he's legitimately the only person I hate. And I hate that I hate someone. 

Friday, September 5, 2014

Screw you, FDA

I was visiting a hospital a little while ago chatting with random people and someone who used to work for the FDA was there and talking with me about why he left. I won't go into why he left other than politics, not getting valuable experience, judging medical devices while he actually didn't have any experience in designing them, etc.  He's in the med device industry and we were whining about his former employer. Fun times. 

Then something came up today. A device that I've taken to two countries with tremendous success on terminal patients got outright rejected here in the US for really stupid reasons. The kind of reasons that seem to be a combination of politics and dumb reviewers. I know some of those at the FDA have experience in medical device design, but 90% of the comments are either: you need to prove this totally inert material is safe, or you need to do tons more animal studies. I can see how small companies have no damn chance to get their devices out to save lives since my GLP animals are $8k each. 

This device has already been proven safe in people in other countries and the beaurocracy really pisses me off. I would far prefer my tax dollars were spent on education and training people in universities in how real medical devices are actually designed, a better understanding of the diseases so disease-targetted devices are better judged, and better biomaterial sciences...actually just all better education. When patients are traveling to Euro to get a treatment because the FDA can't get their crap together, it breaks my heart.  The government is not helping its citizens here. The FDA is hurting them.  

I have a treatment that has been working for a while in Euro. It's my first treatment that has cured 100% with 0% complication (after 6 months....).  If my family has this disease, with the next best option a highly invasive surgery with ~60% efficacy (6 month follow-up), I would have to fly them overseas and pay doctors in another country to get better success.  I've heard stories of companies faltering because of the beaurocratic mess that is the FDA. Companies with great treatments. And then there's the cost partly because of the FDA. I've been given the opportunity to target low-incidence disease in my work because of how much capital my company has, but most companies will not because the cost to get a device or drug to market is so high that you have to target high-incidence to get your investment back. I don't know a way to fix this, but I'm certain there's got to be a way. 

I wish I could say that at least I won't have to deal with this when in at my new school, but my intent is to still create devices and get them to patients. I just won't have the backing of a huge company now so it will be very very difficult. Thanks FDA. Screw you.