Thursday, September 25, 2014

Progress today=0

Sometimes I don't feel like doing anything all day when I show up to work. It's not that I'm not challenged or engaged, I just feel lazy sometimes. I surf the net, read blogs, watch videos, have fun with coworkers, and listen to some music. I basically screw off the whole day. My boss is never around (he's in a different city) and even if he were around he knows that we get stuff done so he wouldn't care.  This happened today.

I leave the day refreshed, though a little guilty. Partly because patients need these devices, but also because I felt I stole money from my company.  I did a post a while back where I talk about my Very Laid Back Days.  There is the ultra rare day where I don't do shit.  I remember this was nonexistent during my grad school days.  And I was wondering why and came up with a couple reasons:

1.  I was on public money and felt guilty for cheating the public.

2.  I was working for myself and felt more pride and dedication because of it.

3.  I shared an office with grad students and wanted to give the impression that I'm a hard worker.

4.  My advisor was always asking for results.

5.  The leprechaun under my desk that kept on hounding me.

The last one only appeared when I was loopy after working too much.  Honestly, I don't know if any of these worked to keep me honest, but there was the ultra rare day where I screwed off all day.  And I don't seem to remember feeling guilty.  Why do I feel guilty now, then?  After such a great day, I should feel awesome.  This is why I think I feel guilty:

1.  I have my team depending on me.

2.  I have patients depending on me.

3.  I get paid a lot.

Even after listing these reasons I still don't know why I feel guilty.  Guess I'll just have to work extra hard tomorrow to work all this guilt out of my body.  Damnit.

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