I asked an old labmate to look over my application documents a little while back. This person graduated a few months before I did and also accepted an industry position. He/she isn't intending on heading into academia though. When he/she called me about the docs we started to reminisce about grad school. We had an unbelievable time. And we still talk once a week. For this conversation we decided to talk over a glass (or 9) or wine. He/she isn't in the same city; this was done over the phone. And I recorded and transcribed it. This is not meant to offend anyone. If you're not a fan of bad language or rude comments then stop reading right meow! I have replaced the names to protect the innocent and not-so-innocent, and put my own current thoughts about the comments in parens.
And open curtain!
*I am sitting at my dining room table, computer in front of me, in my male/female underwear since it's really hot*
*Ring-ring*
*Ring-ring*
*I look at my phone and see my dog, ahhhhhhhhhh*
Me: What's happening, Lady?
Lady: Hey Person, what's going on?
Me: Nothing really, just really hot, and about to pour some wine.
Lady: I looked at your docs.
Me: How'd they look?
Lady: Horrible, but I'm sure you'll get a job.
Me: Awesome, can you send me it with track changes?
Lady: No worries. What's been in your life lately?
Me: I went to a beach this morning, and you're not going to believe this, but Tina emailed me for a job reference
(Tina is an old labmate of ours. One year behind us, and one of the personal, not professional, favorites of our old advisor. He let her get away with anything: ditching work, not getting anything done, etc)
Lady: Really? How's she been?
Me: Meh, she's getting ready for graduation. I like her, so I'm helping her out.
Lady: Our lab was the craziest! And she wasn't part of it at all. She was too stuck up, along with John. Then never wanted to play around or drink in the office.
Me: It's not like she's mean though.
Lady: Remember when I went into their office and tossed confetti everywhere? Then you switched all of their computers. She was so mad!
Me: Yeah, why did we do that?
Lady: Because her and John (Tina's office mate) never showed up and never got in trouble. We always got busted!
Me: Do you think we were secretly jealous?
Lady: Yeah, I'm jealous that they're still stuck in grad school while we are inundated with awesome. (sarcasm)
Me: Do you wish that you could have gotten a PhD without really trying, like they do?
Lady: Oh! Would you rather spend 1 year in a men's federal penitentiary or 10 years in the mountains of Korea with a bunch of monks, living a they do: pure, no entertainment, no sex, etc.
Me: 10 years in the mountains! I've heard guy prisons are rough!
Lady: I would do the prison, that's a lot of life lost!
Me: But the rape, stabbings, sodomy!
Lady: It's not that bad, let me Google.
*click-clacking of a keyboard*
Lady: Holy shit! This guy was raped every day for a year, and when he told the guards about it, they said, "you liked it," and never addressed the issue. He was...
Me: I don't want to hear that stuff!
Lady: Too bad!
(He proceeds to give me absolutely horrible details, which I will not type here.)
Me: That's disgusting!
Lady: Man, I'm not going to attack my enemies when it's time for justice. I'm just going to frame them for a federal crime.
Me: Here's the thing: 10 years in the mountains as a monk, you'll be brilliant and have the best body you've ever had. And you'll still have all of your body parts.
Lady: You've never been more correct.
Me: Well, I have to get going, will be you playing video games later?
Lady: Yeah, remember how dumb Tina and John were?
Me: Oh gosh, remember when someone asked you if you helped John out?
Lady: No...
Me: You yelled, "What the fuck am I supposed to be doing? Cup his nuts while taking his notes!" The whole lab was there!
Lady: Oh yeah, that was hilarious!
Me: Seriously, I have to go.
Lady: Next time we get together, we have to drink 50 beers!
Me: YES! I love you! And I will pay!
Lady: You better, because I fucking love you! I'm going to glue my pubes to your face!
Me: Suddenly, I'm glad I moved away.
Lady: Hugs and kisses!
Me: Love you, I'll talk to you later!
Lady: BBBBYYYYYYEEEEEE!!!!!!
*hanging up the phone, and taking a sip of wine*
This got me thinking about these two students we were talking about. Our old advisor clearly allowed these two to do anything. They did inferior work, and were practically useless for the entire lab. We were definitely jealous of their freedom. We had a ton of projects with tight deadlines and lofty expectations. Our research was self-funded, John and Tina were allowed to syphon off of other projects.
This got me thinking that we shouldn't be jealous. We should be grateful we worked like dogs. We got a breadth of knowledge, learned how to be independent, and we're both in great jobs now. Is an advisor being selfish and hurting his students when he places all of his responsibility on a few select students, while the others are led to the thought that they may be good students, but are actually quite horrible. I talked to Tina about this and she said she's not going to have problems finding a job because she's a woman (that comment REALLY pissed me off), but John will have issues because he's not as talented, plus he's a white guy. I really feel like our advisor should have realized this and evened out the treatment. I ask anyone that reads this: as an advisor, do you believe in birth-order sociological research? Are these younger students expected to do less, and therefore are less prepared for the professional world, as is what sometimes happens with siblings? What should our advisor have done different?
Regarding the comment that pissed me off: I think there should be initiatives to get women and minorities into STEM fields. And that's where it should stop. Job searches should not have any relevance to age, sex, creed, religion, favorite Harry Potter movie. That's just my personal thought, since it provides a crutch to students, and the system produces potentially inferior science if the best candidate is not getting the job. My gender is ____________, and my race is ____________. The only thing I'll say is that I'm not the typical scientist/engineer/attractive human being. The most qualified person deserves the job. End of story. If that means I don't get the job, then that's fine. I think it's the sportsperson in me: if I lost, I deserve it. I just have to try harder next time!
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