In my pre-biomed days I was an engineering physicist at a major national laboratory. I was involved in projects ranging from star wars-type projects to using lasers to destroy stuff (including biological stuff...hence part of my interest in biomed...on that note, I got an email asking about my background...thinking of making a post about this...). Some of the coolest stuff I liked to work on was related to astronomy stuff. I have always been obsessed with space and I still keep up to date on astronomy. My BS and MS in physics help out with understanding astronomy. I was looking for something related to 2014J, and this article was linked:
http://www.nature.com/naturejobs/science/articles/10.1038/nj7280-574a
This link was linked from that one:
http://www.nature.com/naturejobs/science/articles/10.1038/nj7245-468a
It's about feeling like you're not good enough when you are. I'm not going to go into my demographic because I love secrecy (sex, race, etc.), but the impostor syndrome is very relevant. Since I entered the science world, I constantly have to prove myself, whereas it seems other people of different backgrounds get the assumption that they know what they're talking about. I feel like I'm constantly being challenged heavily. I know I belong wherever I go because my publications, presentations, products, and patents speak for themselves. I know I have the talent to do crazy things, but I often feel bullied, resulting in losses of confidence. I've developed pretty thick-skin, starting at my national lab days. Nothing will turn me away, and since I love to argue, I will always fight. I really do get off on this fighting. But I can see how people (especially women or minorities) could get turned away from the field because of this.
This is part of the reason I choose to listen to everyone. I take everyone's opinion under consideration, since I don't want them to feel less valued and potentially turn them away. I'm very proud of my mentorship track record. Every student/tech/engineer I've been involved in mentorship with has stayed in the field. And ~80% of these people are women.
Being in the midst of the academic search makes this article resonate even stronger. I know I'm good enough for a good academic post, but the fact that my top schools haven't called makes me wonder if I'm just an impostor. My documents are solid, or so says the 10 profs that have reviewed it from multiple universities. And these are brutally honest profs. I'm good enough to perform well in my niche field, but I feel that I just don't know enough, or maybe I can't argue that well anymore. I sometimes I feel I got to where I am, not because of my skills, but because of other extraneous factors. I feel that I definitely don't argue as well anymore because I find myself losing more arguments...I feel like I'm losing steam...like all the years of constantly being on the defensive (and subsequent offensive) more than the average person has been wrecking my brain.
The impostor syndrome is tricky because younger scientists don't know exactly if they're not good enough. We have metrics like grades, but once we're on teams or on the job, I often wonder, am I in this position because the company has to fill out some kind of statistic, or is it because I'm actually good enough. I think I'm good enough, but we have to be more cognizant of times when we've all felt a little inadequate (there's an impotence joke somewhere in here...I just can't seem to find it). We need to remember that we've all had self-doubt, why should we feed into it more. The article says to just remind yourself how you're not lucky, you're talented. But this is so much easier said than done.
"Nothing will turn me away, and since I love to argue, I will always fight. I really do get off on this fighting. But I can see how people (especially women or minorities) could get turned away from the field because of this."
ReplyDeleteThis phrase struck me as odd. Why do you feel minorities or women would not be as much of a "fighter" as you are?
Also, imposter syndrome is about your own self doubts despite external reassurance of your worth. It sounds to me like you're talking about something a bit different.
Finally: "Every student/tech/engineer I've been involved in mentorship with has stayed in the field." This is *not* a proper measure of how good you are as a mentor. Whether people stay in the field or not should be decided by their own life goals and desires -- mentoring people who choose to leave doesn't mean you were a bad mentor. You don't want to be like those academics who think that anything but following in the advisor's footsteps represents failure, do you?
IMHO, the most successful people recognize that you have to be both lucky and talented to succeed.
I didn't think that I'm better at arguing than minority/women STEMers... Maybe it's my English in the post (though re-reading it, I don't think I said it) since English isn't my first language (I was born overseas then adopted to a white/other couple). I was trying to say that I'm tired of fighting. I've done relatively well at it, and in three years, moved up the equivalent of someone that's been in my company for 10 years. I constantly feel like I don't belong in this position even though my patent and product-release record says that I belong (external assurance). But I sometime I feel weak because of the constant pushback against me, but not other people in my company.
DeleteMy comment about keeping students in the field might have been a little misdirected. My comment was simply related to multiple students I talked with in the past that said they didn't want to stay in the field because of the fact that they're treated like an outsider. Unrelated to impostor syndrome. I've been surprised how a little listening to someone can make then feel more welcome; like they belong. Students do need to do what they want, however, I've seen far too many instances of butthead advisors turning students off of STEMs because of the attitudes involved. I vowed to never be the reason someone moves away from STEMs.
Also, I don't want to be like my old advisor in any possible way :)
If I may be allowed to drop a link.
ReplyDeleteI think you definitely do have to be talented as well as lucky, and people who are somewhat introspective will realize that. However, there are those who tend to downplay the luck, sort of how those born to wealth seem to often believe that they deserve it because they are better than others; people with the impostor syndrome tend to think it's all luck and they will be found out as frauds any minute now. And it is harder for women and minorites in the fields traditionally dominated by (white) men to realistically assess how much is luck and how much because of this constant background noise of "maybe you really don't belong here, look how much different you seem from everyone else."
Of course talent and luck are the most important factors. What else is there?
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand is can't this all be chocked up to insecurity? Maybe white makes are just more secure and that's why they don't feel like impostors.