Tuesday, December 3, 2013

I love to argue

The title says everything I need. 

I looooooooove to argue. Arguing science, politics, superheroes, anything really. I love it because I've learned so much by arguing with people. I don't have to be correct, I just want to be heard and hear other peoples' opinions.

This brings me to arguments that suck.

When I'm arguing with a boss, they often do not work in my favor. The boss is in a position where they got there by sucking up, being good at their past work, and, did I mention, sucking up.  This gives them the sense that they're always correct. My old advisor (and many other advisors) had the same personality trait. My advisor once said, "I'm the one with a PhD, so I'm correct."  In this particular situation, he was, but countless other times, he was very wrong, and not willing to discuss the experiments that proved it so. In these situations I learned that it's not a fun argument since I won't learn anything AND the other party isn't willing to listen. So I usually just say 'yes, you're right', finish their task, then do what I wanted behind their back. This has worked out quite well. 

But that's bad arguments, what about good ones?  In a good argument, each person comes in with their opinion, then they listen to the other person intently in order to craft their counter argument. This repeats with each person listening and absorbing where the other person is coming from. Each person willing to admit when the other person has a good point. Another trait I like in good arguments is when each person will admit they're wrong. Arguments I have with coworkers at my level, and friends, occur mostly in good ways. I have one friend who take very immature tactics like speaking really loudly or interrupting, but I still learn things and this friend still relents when I've made a good point. 

After a nice argument I get all fuzzy inside, especially when it involves science. But this got me thinking, would I end up being like my advisor, pulling the "I'm your superior, so I'm correct"?  I haven't done that in my current work, and I manage several people. I hope not, because this would also mean people won't want to argue with me anymore. 

This also brings me to a third breed of people (1. Good arguers, 2. Bad arguers): the people that avoid confrontation. I hate these people. Although, I think I hate them because I want to argue, they want to stay quiet, so I end up arguing with myself. Which just makes me look like a fool. This nonconfrontational personality is horrible. And so freaking prominent in America and Asia. This will definitely be something I ask about in interviews: the way the department handles disputes. If they say they wait it out instead of talking, then I will say "goodbye". Actually, I'll probably still accept the job since it's a TT job.  I'm so weak.  

Speaking of arguing, I'm typing this while in a meeting, arguing with people. And I can notice people that fall in each of these categories. But then there's a fourth category: the person who hates the meeting and spends the whole argument on their phone typing in their blog. :)

4 comments:

  1. Arguing always gets me scared. Too frequently I see hot-tempered arguing nearly turn into violence. How do you handle this, especially in a professional setting?

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  2. Let them yell and scream. People will realize how bad these people are to work with, and will naturally begin to move to working with the reasonable people. If you look calm, everyone will believe you are reasonable and correct because your emotions don't cloud your judgement.

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  3. ... the people that avoid confrontation. I hate these people. Although, I think I hate them because I want to argue, they want to stay quiet, so I end up arguing with myself. Which just makes me look like a fool. This nonconfrontational personality is horrible. And so freaking prominent in America and Asia.

    I hear you... I hate nonconfrontational people. They are ubiquitous where I am and it's driving me nuts. Can't get anything done from all the niceness and nobody will tell you what's on their goddamn mind.

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  4. There's a way to be nice and confrontational. Learning how to argue should be requird learning in every high school in the US

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